PN+Carol

Questions: "A Shirt Full of Bees"

What creative strategy does the author use to begin the story? His commencement is marked by his anecdote-his own story.

What is the point (or thesis) of the narrative? "I'm outside, but I'm inside." This demonstrate the thesis: Humans are physically outside, yet living in their own mind. People do not recognize the importance of other elements of life, other than consumer culture.

What is 'the moment' on which the author focuses? "The moment" is when the Yellow Jacket stings the protagonist.

What events are not central to the story and 'disappear in the puff of a sentence'? (It's necessary information, but detail is not needed.) The moment that "disappear in the puff of a sentence" is when he arrives home and wife scolds him.

What is the POV? What are the key details in the story? How does the author "leave the reader thinking"?

Your purpose is to explain, from your POV, a moment in your life that somehow defined who you are. Be as specific as possible. Focus in on one or two main events that demonstrate the change (or idea learned). What is your specific purpose in this narrative - what change are you demonstrating (or idea learned)?
 * Purpose:**

Apparently when I was at an age where all students began their adventurous journey to hagwons, I was still tippy-tapping with playground sand and precariously learning how to balance on the metal bars without any help. This significantly dropped my rate in learning since I did not sit at a desk for 4 hours straight and memorize a book of vocabularies. Anyways, this type of schedule prolonged for years until I realized that I mastered almost all of the supposedly "machines" (aka playground structures). My profession at these brought fame and attention from my dear comrades, but they never attempted to follow. Then the revelation stroke my awe and brain simultaneously. My dear audience thought that I was outstanding, yet not a good citizen to follow. The reasons were simple 1. Simply stating, their parents never taught them to play more than to study, and 2. The modern society views and judges the intelligent brains as good models, and 3. The individual with most knowledge not only receives an undivided attention, but it also gives him personal pride. My mastery did not suffice any of the "good citizen" requirements. Therefore I began to follow //the others// because I wanted to be the role model for everybody in the world. Sometimes freedom is an important factor of life, but balancing freedom and tradition is more vital. In order to reach my goal, I can neither be too free nor too traditional and follow the gang. I had to improvise and create my own character.

Who is your audience?
 * Audience:**

My audiences are young adults who still have no clue in which path to take: a neglected life without any attempt in use of their potential or a successful life that ensures bright future.

In one sentence state the main idea of this story from the 1st person POV. (This is how you changed or what you learned.)
 * Thesis:**

Freedom is significant to young lives, but balancing the freedom arisen by personal desires and the societal tradition is more vital to a so called "successful" life.

Looks like: a stout girl with long dyed hair; same smile as today's; dull clothes. Age: 12 (rising fifth grader) Motivation / Objective: (What do you want?) mouthwatering amount of food, athletic clothes, good 5 hours at playground
 * Description of Character** (this is you)

Where does the narrative take place? Beginning: playground (since this is the place where the revelation came) Middle: school, library End: School, home
 * Setting:**

When does the narrative take place? Starting from 5th grade, the story will elapse when it reaches today. (I'm still improving... long, long way to go)

In chronological order, list the main events of the story / narrative. **Hint:** focus your narrative on the key moment where the change occurred.
 * Plot:**
 * A childish 5th grader devoting each day to practices held in playground.
 * reaching the mastery level
 * gaining the fame and attention, but lacking pride and good citizen requirements
 * also lacking the basic practices of the modern society, which is to study hard from the 1st grade.
 * revelation: I had to much freedom; freedom in which it consists only my personal desire. I did not attempt to follow the rules. I do not have a role character.
 * Need to build from the beginning. Starting from scratch.
 * numerous failures. embarrassment. suicidal moments. excruciating pain. prolonged stress.
 * a shy bud of hope showing up. improvements. balanced. constant failures, but still bearable. leader. The student body leader, yet tears in thoughts of the hard times.

What is the major problem in the story that produces the change in you? Describe this conflict in several complete sentences.
 * Conflict:**

The major problem was me. The weak side of myself kept bugging me until my tears ran down my cheeks. Embarrassing grades, and another formal sign of you-show-no-improvement were the biggest obstacles. I had to be strong physically to study harder than any other students to catch up, and I had to be even stronger internally to maintain mental peace. Uncountable number of suicidal moments, and another victory against the "weak Carol." Series of battles have elapsed, and now I stand as a representative. However, weak side of myself is always awake waiting to collapse at some point. More torrential tears I let out, the stronger I grow.

Are there any key moments in the story where dialogue would be effective? List these moments here.
 * Dialogue:**

"The claps. The sound of recognition. The resonance of the claps is throbbing in my ears. Swallow. Finally, one drop of a tear breaking out to celebrate."

List any sensory details that will be important in your narrative: sight, smells, sounds, tastes, touch, and movement.
 * Sensory Details:**

Numb thumb and right side of the third finger craving for rest. Beneath the thumb nail, a thick skin layer forming Salty, yet too bitter to swallow- my torrential tears The sound of recognition. Resonance palpitating on my ear drums.

How did you change? What did you learn? Why is it significant?
 * Reflection / Analysis section**: //(this section is critical)//

I was a immature girl who did not have any concern about studying, and being the leader. However, I learned that, in life, it is crucial to understand that developing a creative character by following the tradition, yet not copying (meaning, it needs improvisations) is an important factor. Thus a balance between tradition and freedom is amazingly critical. It is significant because this balance shapes the unique character.

After reviewing the requirements and completing today's revising, on what areas do you still need to focus? (post response on your narrative wiki page)

I need to focus on extracting unnecessary elaborating details of the introductory story and focus on the main story. Without my revision, readers will have trouble figuring out which story is the main and which is not. Furthermore, I need a clear, concise conclusion that can sum up my reflection and pose a new topic.